“This evening’s great excuse” by seven mary three

This evening’s great excuse is this:
To make your peace.
And make a list
of everything that’s trivial and wide

Handshake man, how could you be?
A sweeter, softer, gentler king
Spread out for every queen to see

And it will be
And it will be
hypocrisy hypocrisy

After an short evening filled with reflection I’m unconfident about my moral values and attitudes. Do I act according to a loosely defined moral codex or am I building a system which fits my current actions?

While with friends I’m stretching my self-imposed laws, leading myself to sayings which I condem on the next morning. I’m hating many things that I’ve suppressed, actions which I’ve done or -even more tragic- failed to do. On the other hand I’m still holding to some corner stones of morality — looking around while going out shows me a world which lost all confidence in self-judgement and philanthropy. I believe myself to hold myself up high compared to those – you may call it nativity if you like.

My self-imposed indepence of external influences is a comy joke as my current effort regarding cigarettes shows way too well. Am I experiencing this just now or was I too fatuous to see this earlier? It seems as my long-build facade is crumbling away.. I’m still wondering if this is a good sign or not.

I’m musing if this little writing is as hypocrite as the rest of my morality. Hopefully I’ll learn to collect and earn the fruits of my pondering. Still I’m waiting for the dawn.

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